Archive for May, 2008
Posted by: admin on May 30th, 2008
Imagine your business does 100 transactions with monetary currency per day (or don’t imagine it does, if yours happens to do exactly 100 every day, but keep reading anyway). If every transaction was short a dime, by the end of one year, your cash losses would total $3650–enough money to buy a coin counter that could suit you even if your business was on the Las Vegas Strip and still have enough left over to ride The Stratosphere 30 consecutive times (We strongly recommend you get the coin counter; we strongly recommend you don’t ride The Stratosphere 30 consecutive times).
Basically, every business needs two kinds of money counters: the human kind and the machine kind. Both have features that the other can’t mimic. The human kind calculates, researches and audits. The machine kind never adjusts its figures to benefit itself.
When dealing with pocket change, being wrong once is not a problem; being wrong once every half-hour, all day long–which can happen with the human kind, not the machine kind– is a very expensive problem. Coin counters are the best way for businesses to be exact, right down to the last penny. I’m not sure what the best way is to ensure exactness with the other kind of counter. Perhaps hire the one that’s the most like a machine… oops, I forgot we were talking about accountants–that could be a very difficult task.
Posted by: admin on May 27th, 2008
Statistics prove that over 100% of employees are unhappy with their current time clock system (margin of error: 100%). It’s probably not that bad, but if your time clock was the model that replaced the large-fanged, prehistoric bird from The Flinstones, perhaps the time has come for IT to be replaced. When a time clock malfunctions, the repercussions can be extremely frustrating for the employees. It’s no coincidence that most people’s payment due dates on their bills coincide with their paydays. Often times, if someone’s pay check is a day late–which usually translates to the following week, being a Friday–their bill payment or payments won’t clear. When that occurs, a “service fee” for insufficient funds is added to their account. These fees run the employee, who was not acting irresponsibly, anywhere from $20 to $30 for every check that isn’t covered. Even people with “overdraft protection” of some kind are required to pay a “transfer fee” of six to ten dollars.
A time clock malfunction is also taxing on the department–generally accounting–charged with correcting the problem. Overtime hours that ought to be spent otherwise, are wasted calculating figures that should be automatic. If this department has to guess or rely on the employees’ memories, the process can also be financially burdening. So get a new time clock for your store or office. Put the old one by the entrance and mark it “solicitor check-in.”
Posted by: admin on May 21st, 2008
Every office has one machine that makes whoever is using it want to throw it off the freeway overpass in front of an oncoming semi carrying someone’s new double-wide. We at Office Zone are proud of the fact that said machine is almost always a so-called “fax/copy/printer,” which we do not sell. A more accurate name would be “a stress/anger/blood pressure raiser.” It seems to do more of the latter than the former. Isn’t it amazing how a machine that–regardless of which of its three functions it’s performing–only processes one sheet of paper at a time and still manages to get jammed or experience similar problems? When one of our paper shredders, for instance, jams, it’s almost always because it was used incorrectly. Our shredders destroy 10, 20, even 100’s of sheets of paper at one time, depending on the model. You can consistently stick whole reams of paper into some of our cutters for several hours and not get a jam. Our machines, from laminators to vacuum sealers, do not cause problems when they are used for appropriately-sized tasks. We invariably have larger machines to accommodate bigger jobs. So, the next time your attempt to fax, copy or print fails and leaves you with “electronicidal” tendencies, I hope you think of us and all of the machines that you wouldn’t put in your enemy’s bed while he’s sleeping.
Posted by: admin on May 8th, 2008
Envelope openers or “envelopeners,” as I call them, are extremely useful in an office setting, particularly to companies that receive large quantities of mail. Monkeys, on the other hand, have been proven to be less effective in a “white collar” environment. Some envelope openers can prepare 350 letters for reading in one minute. Ten monkeys would be able to destroy 350 letters beyond recognition in one minute. Our machines safely and evenly cut envelopes without damaging the contents. Again, ten monkeys would be able to destroy 350 letters beyond recognition. Our envelope openers are of the highest quality and guaranteed to be priced lower than anywhere else. Primates of any species are expensive to care for and difficult to acquire; not to mention the cost of all the fines that would inevitably be imposed for employing ten of them. We have both manual and automatic machines with a variety of time-saving features. Opening letters with your hands is tiring and often results in paper cuts. Using the unsharp, dagger-looking device might get old fast but there’s nothing speedy about the way it does its job. Envelope openers, especially the automatic machines, enable office personnel to attend to more substantial things than opening letters (which is anything unless your job is to prove O.J. Simpson’s innocence). Besides, monkeys use their hands to open their mail–humans should use technology.
Posted by: admin on May 2nd, 2008
In the world of construction, materials such as insulation, stucco and even some types of concrete are considered “foam.” Most of us hear that term and think of beer or rabid animals (notice OR as opposed to AND–never combine beer with rabid animals). Anyone who has ever tried to cut foam (in the industrial sense) with a conventional tool knows why Michelagelo never used it to sculpt anything. If he had, “David” would probably look like Jabba the Hut. Fortunately, home improvers and home builders alike no longer need to use their knives and saws to try to shape awkward blocks of foam–economy-size, insulation-slicing foam cutters deliver perfectly even cuts every time. Our foam cutters are the strongest, lightest (relative to mass), and most durable systems on the market. (“On the market” means “in the world, that we know of.” The government might have a nuclear cutter that penetrates interstellar foam from asteroids.) We guarantee we have the lowest prices and the highest quality, so whether its for home or work or both, you can stop trying to defy the laws of nature and renovation and start using the machine that was created to do that job.